5 Pieces Needed For Deep Connection
Deep human connection is like a puzzle. It requires fitting the pieces of the puzzle together in order to see the bigger picture. The pieces individually don’t create a clear picture but when you take the opportunity to fit the following 5 pieces of the connection puzzle together you are the beneficiary of a deep connection.
“Touch is the first sense we acquire and the secret weapon in many a successful relationship.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201302/the-power-touch The power of physical touch is that it equally benefits the person initiating touch as it does for the person receiving the touch.
In an effort to deeply connect with someone ask yourself if you have moved, touched or inspired them positively? Move outside the comfort zone of your communication, which leads us to the another puzzle piece.
Brene Brown said in her Ted Talk The Power of Vulnerability, that the people who live life wholeheartedly have the following in common; courage, compassion, authenticity and they embrace vulnerability.
Courage – “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart, the courage to be imperfect”
Compassion – “to be kind to themselves first and then to others”
Authenticity – “a willingness to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they are”
Vulnerability – “a willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. Willing to say I love you first, willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.”
The Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus share what it takes to Establish Deeper Connections with People. “As humans, we are flawed, we are imperfect, we make bad decisions, and we struggle with life. We are unique, yet we are one in the same, and we connect with that sameness. So Leo shared a very personal story of his own with us. We reciprocated, telling our own personal stories of struggle and imperfection and weakness and utter humanity. It is not a coincidence that all three stories were eerily similar, sharing many common themes, themes that describe what it means to be a human being.”
Vulnerability is a locked door, and if you allow your ego to unlock the door the world of opportunities open up to you. I vulnerably share my experiences in The Power of Vulnerably Sharing.
SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND
Become a journalist asking thought provoking questions, attentively listening to the answers, taking mental notes of their response as if you had to provide the world with their answers. Journalists ask questions and document answers. They don’t ask questions and then interrupt the answer to interject their own opinion or perspective.
Habit 5 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Steven Covey – Seek First to Understand. “If you’re like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating.”
“Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention,” according to The 5 Love Languages.
- Maintain eye contact.
- Don’t listen and do something else at the same time.
- Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion are they experiencing?”
- Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me.”
BE PROACTIVE / BE SOCIAL
According to Matthew Liberman author of, Social Why Our Brains Are Wired To Connect, “Evolution has made bets again and again that making us more social, more connected to and dependent on the social world is the best way to help us thrive as a species.”
What is the difference between social connection and deeply connecting?
- I can see the events of your life, or the life that you want portrayed to social media. I can see that you recently went on a vacation.
- I can celebrate or “like” the accomplishments of your life and that of your family. I “like” when your baby takes its first steps or you received a new promotion at work.
- Socially I can connect or “follow” hundreds of people.
- I asked questions, listening to discover what is important to you in your life
- I can demonstrate that I “like” what you have shared by vulnerably sharing experiences of my own life
- Deep connection comes with undivided attention, not the scroll of a mouse
Be Proactive – seek out opportunities to be social with family, friends and strangers to connect on a deeper level.
Vulnerably Share – share experiences that let the other person know you’re human.
Seek First To Understand – Be a journalist, asking thought provoking questions and listening to understand.
Quality Time – give the gift of undivided attention
Touch – leave them touched, moved and inspired and you will have a deep connection