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In the past few weeks WE have experienced some monumental evolutions to OUR reality. Same sex marriage was legalized by our Supreme Court and the Confederate flag is to be removed the South Carolina capitol grounds.

For me my weekly call with my father is an opportunity for both of us to challenge our reality. Last week during a weekly call with my father he shared with me an experience that he had while at dinner with friends, the people with whom we usually share agreement reality. A friend shared what is referred to as a joke with the group, a joke is tends to be most funny when everyone agrees that it is funny. My father didn’t find the joke to be funny and even went as far as to express his disappointment in the joke.

My father grew up in an era of our country where the agreement reality would have made it easy for him to just laugh with the group and yet I couldn’t have been more proud that his reality had changed.

Inspired by the this change in reality, we segued into a conversation about the different evolutions of humans. I asked my father with sincere curiosity what he believed. My father a very religious man with extreme faith in God expressed his agreed reality of Adam & Eve. I on the other hand have little faith in things I can’t see, and believe that if Evolution is reality it is as miraculous a story as Adam & Eve.

As our conversations tend to go, there are moments of defensiveness for our realities and eventually we start to find that we agree on certain points as WE try to reach an agreement, even if it is that we agree to disagree. We share agreement realities with our congregations, with people we work with, with people of our same race, with fans of the same team and with people of the same sexual preference. Here is what I find scary about agreement reality, my agreed upon reality has been wrong or I have experienced a change of heart.

In God We Trust on a coin - Evolutions

Image: Well Travelled Message; cc2


Me – It’s Saturday night 12:26am and I am in Sacramento. Question 36 came up for me today in personal  training. We discussed something called AGREEMENT REALITY. We participate in it all the time, when we as a whole think a certain way. We do it with our conversations as we agree to things our family or friends are saying, just because its easier to agree than deal with the issue or consequences that could arise if we disagreed or had an opposing view.

Question 36: Do we as Oborn’s have an AGREEMENT as to what that means?

What does Oborn mean to you?

Do you like the meaning that you have for it and if not what are you willing to do to change it?

Father – When I think about Oborn ‘s I feel lots of love. I think of my parents my siblings all of them. I think about aunts & uncles & cousins and how lucky or blessed I am to be part of that organization. But mostly I think about our family. The great institution we are becoming. I think Oborn’s are a force for good. I think Oborn means good,  service, lift, joyful, thoughtful, caring and doing. I do not think that is always what Oborn means but I do think it is what it means most often. I love the opportunity these questions provide to think and in joy and ponder.

Sister – What does Oborn mean to me?  I like being an Oborn. It means strong, giving, loving, thinking outside the box, independent.  Sometimes when someone says “why” or “how” did you do that?  The answer is because I’m an Oborn.  Because I’m Kristin. Because that’s who I am.

Even after 19 years of being an Isom, I find myself saying I’m an Oborn. I love being an Isom and I love that I’m an Oborn. Have and do I always remember “who” I am?!  Nope. But I’m aware.

Melanie – I think “OBORN” means many different things, some are positive and some are not.  Oborn means…generous, funny, hardworking, opinionated, aggressive, stubborn, strong.  I would like to change the negative and only have the positive left.  The best way to begin is with myself…becoming and emulating those positive “Oborn” characteristics I want to have.

Marci – One thing I have come to learn over the last few years is that there are two sides that make a family. We are half Greene and half Oborn, which created the Greene/Oborn family. I am proud of the heritage and traits that were taught to me and given to me from both sides. I know that this is why we are who we are. We are strong, we are giving, we love all others and give of all our time and talents. We stand strong (which maybe called stubborn at times) for our rights beliefs and for those in need. I think of our pioneer heritage and how they stood strong for their beliefs, for their families and for what is right.

I think of the examples of our parents. Their strength to fight for each other, through sickness, through poverty, through wealth. Their giving open hearts to Laotian families, neighbors, family, their faith, and the list goes on. I think of all the character traits given to me because I belong to this family and I am proud to call myself an Oborn.

Me – Oborn…

I AGREE… The name Oborn means all that has been shared to this point. I AGREE… That we all want to live up to the greatness of the Oborn/Greene name.

Again I AGREE with all of the above. No Question. No Judgement.

I believe that WE have an agreement reality that the Oborn/Greene clan are also mean, Negative, Opinionated, Stubborn, Aggressive, Always Right, etc. I suspect this agreement reality to be true because at different times we have all said it, shared it and experienced it.

So as to not come off to each of you as some Oborn “know it all” after a weekend of amazing, life changing, intense life training I want to come across as humble and responsible for making you and our name SMALL.  I discovered by talking with Thomy that I have been lying to each and everyone of you. I don’t care enough about any of you to hold myself accountable to greatness, hold each of you accountable to your greatness and therefore I lie and keep our relationships ORDINARY at best… I smile a lot, I hug you and tell you that I love you and yet don’t show up in your life.

Through the training that I experienced and participated in I came to the realization that I can only be as great as WE collectively are great. I have had the opportunity to personally “get right, restore integrity with, and be honest with” a few of you and if I have not yet… be prepared. I will not be giving you excuses as to my behavior and I will not be discussing my feelings which would only be an attempt at justifying my actions, I want to come clean, be honest, an uplifting force in your life and someone you can count on.

I am good but I have treated each of you like SH** at one point in time or another. I am sure it has been difficult to see my goodness through all the SH**. I am Strong… Strong about my being right… Strong in my independence and I have to ask myself where could I be today if I would have been vulnerable, asked for help and been humble enough to not need to know it all. I am giving… to friends, to wives, to friends of wives and yet I don’t offer my time and talents to my family, I have felt you don’t deserve it. The lies have caught up to me and I only have so much time left to make the change, be the change and demand greatness from myself.

I am so grateful for your participation with Connect52 the inspiration that has lead me to this point and I want to take it and my relationship with each one of you to a NEW LEVEL of GREATNESS.


My reality is just that it’s mine, that includes my agreed upon reality. Because I have been wrong before or have experienced a change of heart about a certain reality I humbly respect change in reality and the reality of others, even those whose reality differs from mine. No matter your opinion as to the monumental reality changes we recently experienced in our world, we will experience more changes to our realities and I have faith that we as humans will evolve.

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One Comment

  • Nik Wright says:


    This is a beautiful article and I am honored that you can share such a vulnerable conversation between you and your family. I hold my “agreed reality” at such a high esteem that it never crossed my mind to look back and see what issues or subjects that I have evolved on over my 36 years. When I take the time to actually look back, its quite revealing to see that my opinions have evolved just as anyone’s do as you gain more experience and encounter obstacles. Just because someone doesn’t completely change “sides” of an argument or “flip flop” on an issue, doesn’t make their movement any less remarkable. Movement is growth and we are all on our way to somewhere. Some of us just get there sooner or sometimes not at all. Just as a snail goes at a comfortable pace, maybe we aren’t so different.

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